The Brutal Truth About Feedback: Why Most Managers Are Doing It All Wrong

You know what drives me absolutely mental? Watching perfectly good employees get crushed by managers who think "feedback" means ambushing someone with a performance review sandwich that's 90% criticism and 10% awkward small talk about their weekend.

I've been consulting for Melbourne businesses for 17 years now, and I've seen this train wreck more times than I can count. Companies spend thousands on fancy managing difficult conversations training, then their managers still deliver feedback like they're reading someone their last rites.

Here's my controversial take: most feedback isn't feedback at all—it's just delayed criticism wrapped up in corporate speak.

The Psychology Behind Why Feedback Goes Sideways

Let me tell you about Sarah, a marketing manager I worked with in Brisbane last year. Brilliant woman, ran campaigns that consistently outperformed competitors. But her direct reports were leaving faster than you could say "culture problem."

The issue? Sarah thought feedback meant pointing out everything that went wrong, then adding "but overall you're doing great!" at the end. Classic feedback sandwich technique that every leadership book tells you to use.

Total garbage.

The human brain doesn't work that way. When you lead with criticism, everything else becomes white noise. It's called the negativity bias, and it's been hardwired into us since we were worried about sabre-tooth tigers, not quarterly reports.

Research from the University of Melbourne shows that positive feedback needs to outweigh negative by roughly 5:1 for teams to maintain optimal performance. Most managers I observe are running about 1:3 the other way.

The Four Pillars of Feedback That Actually Works

After years of trial and error (and watching too many good people quit because of terrible managers), I've developed what I call the REAL framework:

Relevant. Evidence-based. Actionable. Linked to outcomes.

1. Make It Relevant to Their World

Stop giving feedback that sounds like it came from a corporate handbook. Instead of "You need to improve your communication skills," try "When you didn't update the client on Tuesday's delay, they called me thinking we'd forgotten about them."

See the difference? One feels like a personal attack, the other is a specific situation they can learn from.

2. Lead with Evidence, Not Emotions

I learned this the hard way during my early days as a team leader. I used to say things like "I feel like you're not engaged" or "It seems like you don't care about quality."

Feelings aren't feedback. Facts are.

"You've submitted three reports this month with calculation errors" is evidence. "I think you're being careless" is just opinion dressed up as insight.

3. Make It Actionable (Or Don't Bother)

Here's where most managers completely lose the plot. They'll spend 20 minutes explaining what's wrong, then leave the conversation without any clear next steps.

Feedback without a pathway forward isn't helpful—it's just venting with extra steps.

Instead of "You need to be more proactive," try "Next time a client emails with urgent questions, can you flag it to me within two hours so we can respond the same day?"

Specific. Measurable. Actually doable.

4. Connect It to Bigger Picture Outcomes

This is the part that separates average feedback from feedback that transforms behaviour. Don't just tell people what to change—help them understand why it matters.

"When reports are accurate the first time, our client presentations run smoothly, which builds trust and often leads to contract renewals."

Now they're not just fixing a spreadsheet, they're contributing to business success.

The Timing Trap Most Leaders Fall Into

Can we please stop pretending that saving feedback for monthly one-on-ones is effective? By the time you're sitting down for that scheduled chat, the moment has passed. The context is gone. The behaviour has been reinforced dozens of times.

I'm a big believer in what I call "coffee feedback"—the quick, informal conversations that happen in real-time. Not everything needs to be a formal sit-down meeting with documentation and follow-up emails.

Some of the most effective feedback I've given has been walking to the car park after a client meeting: "That was a great question you asked about their budget constraints. Did you notice how it shifted the whole conversation?"

Simple. Immediate. Positive. Done.

The Cultural Differences Aussie Managers Need to Navigate

Working in Australia's increasingly diverse workplace means understanding that feedback styles that work for blokes from Toorak might completely backfire with team members from different cultural backgrounds.

I worked with a tech company in Sydney where the manager was frustrated that his feedback "wasn't getting through" to several Asian team members. Turned out he was giving direct criticism in group settings, which in their cultural context felt like public humiliation.

One quick adjustment—private conversations focused on development rather than correction—and suddenly his "difficult" team members became some of his strongest performers.

The lesson? There's no one-size-fits-all approach to feedback delivery.

Real-World Scripts That Actually Work

After countless workshops and emotional intelligence training sessions, here are the phrases I've seen consistently get results:

For addressing problems: "I've noticed [specific behaviour]. Help me understand what's driving that."

For reinforcing good work: "The way you handled [specific situation] showed real [specific skill]. That's exactly what we need more of."

For course correction: "Going forward, what would need to happen for [desired outcome]?"

For development: "Based on what you want to achieve in your career, let's talk about [specific skill/behaviour]."

Notice how none of these sound like performance review speak? That's intentional.

The Permission Problem

Here's something most leadership books won't tell you: before you can give effective feedback, you need permission.

Not formal, written permission. But psychological permission.

People need to trust that your feedback comes from a place of wanting to help them succeed, not from wanting to cover your own backside or make yourself feel important.

This is where relationships matter more than techniques. If someone doesn't believe you're on their side, the most perfectly crafted feedback in the world will fall flat.

I've seen managers with terrible delivery styles get fantastic results because their team knew they genuinely cared. I've also seen managers with excellent techniques fail because everyone could smell their self-interest from a kilometre away.

Build the relationship first. Everything else becomes easier.

The Follow-Up That No One Does (But Should)

Want to know the difference between feedback that creates lasting change and feedback that gets forgotten by Friday?

Follow-up.

Not the heavy-handed "Did you implement what we discussed?" kind of follow-up. The supportive "How's it going with that new approach we talked about?" kind.

Check in. Offer support. Acknowledge progress.

Most people need 3-4 touchpoints before new behaviour becomes natural. If you're giving feedback and walking away, you're basically buying a gym membership and never showing up.

Why Positive Feedback Isn't Fluffy Nonsense

There's this weird Australian tendency to think that positive feedback makes people soft or complacent. Complete rubbish.

Strategic positive feedback is one of the most powerful tools in your leadership toolkit. It tells people what to keep doing, not just what to stop.

But here's the catch—it needs to be specific and earned. Generic "good job" comments are worse than saying nothing at all.

Instead: "The way you restructured that client proposal made it 30% clearer. The section on ROI projections was particularly strong."

Now they know exactly what behaviours to repeat.

Related Articles: Further Resources

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The bottom line? Feedback is a skill like any other—it improves with practice and intentional development. Stop treating it like something you'll naturally get better at through osmosis.

Your team's performance, engagement, and retention depend on getting this right. In today's talent market, you can't afford to lose good people because you're still using feedback techniques from the 1990s.

Start with one technique from this article. Practice it for a week. Then add another.

Your future self (and your team) will thank you for it.